It has been 4 months since I came home from Ireland. It seems as if it was only last week that I left Limerick but it also feels like a lifetime, sometimes. By now, I should have felt the 'post-Erasmus depression', I guess, but, interestingly, it did not happen. Why? And what does it feel like to be back to my 'old' life? Do I miss my Erasmus friends and Limerick? Do I feel a pang every time I see an Irish landscape on Instagram or FB?
Of course I do feel the pang and I do miss my friends and UL like hell. Not surprising, as it was awesome and I enjoyed the hell out of my Erasmus, like most of us do. But despite all this, I have not had any 'post-Erasmus depression' that many articles and blogs warn you about. I guess it could be due to the fact that I had a pretty busy life to come back to, in these past 4 months I have done a course and taken an exam in highway code, I started working at two new places and I have had a C1 language exam and I just finished writing and submitted my thesis last week. And I also had my birthday and an anniversary with my bf and of course we had Christmas and New Year's Eve I organised a party with my brother, and we had Easter since and all. Not to mention having to meet all my friends and most of my family and telling them about my Erasmus. And meeting my two Erasmus-sisters, the Hungarian girls who lived with me in Limerick. And doing university meanwhile. You could say I simply did not have any time to be depressed. Or maybe it is because I always knew it was going to end and even though I miss it, I am pretty certain that I will go back some time in the future. It was not a final good-bye to Ireland, nope, not at all. Or I might just look forward to getting my degree in two months and moving in together with my bf, finally, to have place in my heart for depression. I honestly don't know.
But there is one thing I am sure of: that Limerick was a huuuuge inhale of fresh air and ideas and inspiration and love for me and I cannot wait to go and exhale another breath of stress and everydayness the next time I visit either Ireland or another country.
Also, a good advice for anyone who came here looking for coping mechanisms (or might need them in the future for their post-Erasmus depression): I started learning Irish language while in Ireland and since I came home, I first neglected it ungratefully and rather stupidly, but lately I have felt a great urge to practice and learn more of it so just simply looking at Irish words gives me a bittersweet longing and connects me more with Ireland. Another strategy I use is to look at pictures I have taken there regularly, I even set them as my screen-lock pic and all. Going through fond memories makes me feel closer to it and I am not sure whether it is healthy or not, but it seems to help. Moreover, I regularly text my Erasmus-friends, even if only just for a few minutes a week, just to know how they are doing and to feel our friendship. And then I busy myself at home and meet my Hungarian friends and I spend time with my family and bf and I study and work and do volunteering again. And today I even went for a swim.
Nevertheless, some small and dormant part of me must feel like I am still in Ireland because at least once a week when I wake up and go down to the kitchen for a coffee or tea, I half-expect my Irish landlord to loudly sip his tea at the kitchen table and look at me and ask me in the same voice he used to ask every single morning we met in their kitchen: 'Hi-how-are-ya?-- Busy day?'...
Nincsenek megjegyzések:
Megjegyzés küldése